Addicted
by CallMeGeneralAwesome
Summary: A continuation of sorts of "Mummy on the Orient Express", this story includes 12/Clara, Clara/Danny, and mentions of 11/Clara. Clara is continuing to travel with the Doctor after telling Danny she's done; what impact will this have on her life and her relationship with former soldier Danny Pink? How will it effect her life with the Doctor? Multi-chapter fic.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey y'all so I'm back with another fic. This may just be how I deal with the rest of the season, write a fic after each episode. Yes that is a plug for you to read my other Doctor Who fics :D**

**Also important thing for the timeline: so we see Danny introduced as a new maths teacher in "Into the Dalek" and then we see their first date which is at least a couple weeks after that, then in "The Caretaker" Courtney Woods' parents mention that in the year prior Danny called Courtney a "very disruptive influence". So I'm running on the assumption that Danny had been at that school for over a year at the point and had therefore been dating Clara for about a year. Then there are weeks between "Kill the Moon" and "Mummy on the Orient Express" so that's bringing this timeline in my head to about a year and a half or two years that Danny and Clara have been dating. Just to clarify.**

**So yeah disclaimer I don't own any of this yadda yadda okay let's goooo**

"You okay?" Danny asked as he sat next to Clara in the teacher's lounge for a staff meeting.

"Yeah, of course I am," Clara said. "Why?"

"You look a little pale, that's all," Danny said. "And tired."

"I think I may have caught something from the kids," Clara conceded. "No big deal."

"Okay," Danny sad. "Make sure you get some rest though."

"Yeah, I will," Clara said.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Danny asked. "I could come over, make you tea, wrap you in blankets, watch your favorite movies with you."

"No, thanks," Clara said.

Danny's face visibly fell.

"I mean, I don't want you to get sick," Clara said. "I'll go home today and take it easy all weekend, and by Monday I'm good as new. I wouldn't want you to catch this and be sick all weekend as well."

"Don't worry about me, I want to help you," Danny said.

"You don't need to," Clara said definitively.

"Okay," Danny said, backing off.

"Sorry," Clara said. "I'm sorry. I kind of just want to be alone this weekend. I'm just going to spend the whole time sleeping anyway. No point in you being around for that."

"No point in me being around?"

"That isn't what I meant," Clara said. "Look, Danny, I love you, but it's just a cold. It's nothing too bad."

"Yeah, that's not what I'm worried about," Danny muttered, looking at her like he just figured something out.

"What are you worried about, then?" Clara asked, faced getting paler.

"Okay, listen up everybody, I emailed the agenda for this morning's meeting to all of you so hopefully we can do this quick," the headmaster said as she entered the room.

Danny sat back in his seat and gave his attention to his boss, while Clara gave him one last glance then did the same.

**-DW-**

The next day, Clara smiled as she walked with the Doctor into the TARDIS.

"So what'll happen to them?" she asked.

The Doctor shrugged. "They will be alright. I recalibrated their artificial cloud system so that they never have a drought that bad again."

"I can't believe we have artificial clouds in the future," Clara said.

"They became a necessity," the Doctor said. "And they were designed not to malfunction, but one greedy person in power is all it took to turn them from a life-giving resource to a way to squeeze money out of people. Humanity. Can't trust you with anything."

The Doctor started flipping switches and pulling levers, initiating the TARDIS takeoff sequence.

"Well you fixed it, like you do," Clara said, smiling. She jolted as the TARDIS landed. "So, where to next?"

The Doctor made a face. "Clara, we've gone on three trips in two days. Don't you want to take a break?"

Clara shook her head. "Has it only been two days? Either way, I'm good. Let's go! We're helping people, why would we stop doing that?"

"Because you're exhausted," the Doctor said.

Clara groaned. "You sound like Danny. He was saying that I seemed sick. I'm fine!"

"Clara, this is one thing Danny and I can agree on," the Doctor said. "Go home, get some sleep. I'll pick you up in a couple days and we can go again."

He snapped and the TARDIS door opened, revealing Clara's living room.

Clara looked out the TARDIS doors.

"Fine," she said. She started making her way out of the TARDIS. "But I'll see you in a few days, yeah?"

"Yes," the Doctor said. "Now go."

Clara left and shut the door behind her. The Doctor looked at the door, almost trying to look through it at his closest friend. The concern on his face was clear.

Clara, meanwhile, shuffled tiredly into her room. She took off her shoes and barely made it under the covers before falling fast asleep.

**-DW-**

Clara was awoken the next day by a knock on her door.

"Clara?" a voice called from outside. "You alright?"

The Blackpool girl tiredly got out of bed and went to the door.

"Danny," she said. "Hi, what are you doing here?"

He held up a bag. "I brought you some takeaway from that Italian place you like." He looked her up and down. "Did you just wake up?"

"Yeah, what time is it?" Clara asked.

"It's nearly six in the evening," Danny said. "What time did you go to sleep?"

"I don't know," Clara said. "What day is it?"

"Sunday," Danny said with an incredulous tone. "Clara, you're clearly not okay. Let me take you to the doctor."

"What?" Clara asked immediately.

"You should get checked out, if you slept all day something is obviously wrong," Danny said.

"I'm fine," Clara said. "I just lost track of time."

Danny gave her a look, clearly exasperated.

"I know that you're worried, but I'm fine."

Danny sighed. "Have you eaten yet?"

Clara shook her head.

"Here, eat this," he said, handing her the food.

"Thanks," Clara replied. "Do you want to come in?"

Danny shook his head. "No, actually, I should get home."

"Oh, okay," Clara said. "Well thanks for checking up on me, I guess."

"Yeah," Danny said. "See you at work tomorrow."

"Bye," Clara said. Danny turned and started down the hall. "Love you!" she called.

"You too," Danny said, calling behind him but not stopping or actually turning around.

Clara watched him walk all the way down the hall until he disappeared around the corner. She looked at the empty hall for a few moments then went back inside her flat.

**-DW-**

Clara went back to work the next day, Monday, and the day went on normally. She had lunch with Danny as usual, as by that point they had been dating for a while and would often interact at work. However, Danny steered the conversation toward only work, and invited coworkers into their conversation. This sort of behavior continued until Wednesday.

"Hey," Clara said, standing in the doorway of Danny's classroom. "I was thinking for lunch today, we could sit just us two. I haven't seen a lot of you recently."

"I've actually got lunch plans today," Danny said. Clara's face fell. "I've got a big exam coming up and some students won't be able to stay after school to do some extra review, so I told them we could work on it during lunch."

"Okay," Clara said. "Well, you can come over tonight."

"I've got a lot of marking to do," Danny said.

"Me too, but we could still be together while we do it," Clara said.

"I think I'm just going to spend the night in tonight," Danny said.

"Alright then," Clara said.

Any more conversation was cut off by a group of year elevens who walked into Danny's classroom.

"Hello Miss Oswald," they said as they passed her. "Hello Mister Pink."

"Hello, let's get started, yeah?" Danny said, opening his copy of the textbook as the students sat down. He looked up at Clara. "Enjoy your lunch, Miss Oswald."

Clara was silent for a beat then spoke up. "You too," she said. She looked at the students. "Good luck with the exam."

She left and went back to her classroom before heading to the lunchroom. On her way there, though, she passed a familiar supply cupboard.

A knock sounded from inside the cupboard and Clara nearly jumped out of her skin.

However, she then grinned and stepped into the cupboard.

"Hey you," she said. "Took you long enough."

"It's Wednesday," the Doctor said. "That's our day."

"Yes it is," Clara agreed. She walked past him into the TARDIS. "Where to now?"

"There is a planet where it rains sugar crystals," the Doctor said. "Want to go?"

"Absolutely," Clara said, grinning as she stepped into the blue box.

Later, they returned back to the cupboard.

"I've got melted sugar all over my shirt," Clara said. "I can't go to work like this. Can we pop home so I can get a shirt?"

"There should still be clothes in your bedroom," the Doctor said.

"Right, thanks," Clara said before she went off to get changed. She returned to the console room. "See you in a few days then, yeah?"

The Doctor nodded. "Enjoy school, Clara," he said as he waved her goodbye.

Clara left the TARDIS and left the cupboard. She went back to her classroom when she quite literally walked into someone as she turned a corner.

"Oh, sorry," she said. She looked up to see who she ran into. "Danny, hi."

"Hi, you alright?" Danny asked.

Clara nodded. "Where are you off to?"

"To the supply cupboard, we need more graph paper."

"Well, the supply cupboard would be the place to find that."

"Yes it would," Danny said. He took a step back. "Are you wearing a different shirt?"

"Yeah," she said after a short, but noticeable, moment. "I spilled tea on the one I was wearing before."

"And you just had an extra shirt with you?"

Clara didn't answer verbally, but nodded unconvincingly.

"And you smell like a sweets shop," Danny said.

"Is that really a bad thing?" Clara tried to play it off.

Danny's face expressed his disbelief. "You're travelling again, aren't you." It was a statement, not a question.

Clara's mouth moved, like she was going to offer some defense, but no sound came out.

Danny, meanwhile, laughed bitterly. "I knew it. I knew you weren't sick last week, you were exhausted from spending all your time with him. You said you were done, that the space train was your last hurrah."

"Danny, let's not do this here," Clara said in a low tone.

"Yeah, let's not," Danny said. "I don't want to do this anymore."

Clara's face betrayed her hurt feelings. "Do what anymore, exactly?"

"This," Danny said. "We've been dating for almost two years and you still can't tell me the truth. I'm not doing this anymore."

"No, Danny, wait, let's talk about this," Clara said.

Danny looked at her coldly, shaking his head.

"Please," Clara said. "I love you, I never lied about that."

"You just lied about everything else."

"I know I haven't explained all this properly to you," Clara continued. "Give me another chance to. Tonight, please, we can talk about this."

Danny was silent and cold for several moments. Clara could practically hear her heart pounding in her chest.

"Fine. But I meant it when I said that if you aren't honest with me, we're done."

"I know," Clara said.

Danny gave her a look of disbelief and pain, then scoffed, shaking his head. "Come over tonight. This is your last chance."

"Thank you," Clara said.

Danny walked around her and to the supply cupboard.

**-DW-**

That night, Clara nervously knocked on the door to Danny' flat.

Danny opened the door wordlessly.

"Hi," Clara said. "I brought that beer that you like."

"Thanks," Danny said. "Come in, I'll get a bottle opener."

Clara went in and sat on the couch, that couch that she first kissed Danny on. She put the case of beer on the table.

Danny returned and sat down, then opened two beers. He opened one and took a long sip.

Clara picked up the bottle opener and opened her own bottle of beer.

"You drink beer now?" Danny asked.

"I do tonight," Clara said.

Danny watched as Clara drank from the bottle, then sat there. He waited with a patient look on his face, but still a sense of urgency for learning the truth.

"I am sorry for lying to you for this long," Clara said finally. "When I said the space train was my last hurrah, I meant it. But then it wasn't anymore and I didn't want to let you down."

"You let me down by lying to me," Danny said.

"It was easier for me to have you think I gave up traveling than it was to admit that I hadn't."

"Why?"

Clara paused, thinking about this. She took another sip. "When you travel with him," she began. "It's such a rush. It's amazing and wonderful and thrilling."

"And you still don't want to share that with me."

"I do," Clara said. "I love you, I want to share the amazing things with you. But traveling, it's…it's also intoxicating. It's a rush for a while and then reality comes back and crashes down on you. You may save one person, but it's often at the expense of someone else. I've seen the end of the world with the Doctor. I've seen people die because of him and for him. I've seen my own life end in order to save his. I keep seeing all these terrible things, things I wish I hadn't seen, and I can't stop. I've tried to walk away, and I can't."

"What makes it so hard for you to walk away?" Danny asked. "You see terrible things, what makes it so hard to leave that behind and see the good things here?"

"The terrible things happen with or without me there," Clara said. "I guess on some level I think that I can stop it if I'm there, but I never can, not enough. It became an addiction, sort of. I always needed to go on another adventure in order to feel better about the last."

"If it's an addiction, let me help you," Danny said. "I want to help you. You shouldn't have to feel this way."

"I didn't realize I did until after the space train," Clara said. "It was supposed to be a holiday but there was a monster we had to stop. Two, technically, but we still had to stop them. Turns out that the Doctor knew that it wouldn't be some fun holiday, he knew that we would have to stop monsters there."

"So he knew you wanted just a holiday, and brought you on a mission anyway," Danny said, growing frustrated. "Do you not see how manipulative that is? He is so incredibly manipulative and controlling of you and he makes you want to stay, even though it feels wrong sometimes. Then it starts to feel wrong all of the time."

Clara looked at him, a bit surprised and a bit impressed. "You really did know men like him."

"I did," Danny said. "And I left them and didn't go back."

"Point taken," Clara said. She sighed. "I can't promise that I won't go back. I don't want to, but I didn't want to after the moon thing and I went back."

"You don't need to go through time and space to help people," Danny said. "You're a teacher. You make a difference for someone every day, or at least you try to. That matters. That is a wonder in our world."

"I know," Clara said. "I've got a million thoughts on this and I want to not go back. I've been through so much with him, though. It's hard to walk away."

"Do you love him?" Danny asked. Clara didn't say anything. "I need to know. This is your last chance to be honest with me. Tell me the truth."

"I don't know," Clara said. "I don't love him like I love you. I _do _love you, Danny. I love you so much. But I loved him. Now we're friends, or I thought we were. I don't know how to explain it. I care about him so much but he keeps hurting me, and I don't think he understands how not to."

"If he doesn't know how not to hurt you, you should leave him," Danny said with some effort.

"It's more complicated than that-."

"It doesn't have to be," Danny said. "If someone is hurting you, you have the right to distance yourself from them."

Clara nodded in agreement. "I don't know why I keep getting surprised by your wisdom," she said, reaching out and putting a hand on his knee.

Danny backed up and took her hand off his knee.

"Clara, I think we need to take a break."

"What?"

"I told you that if you weren't honest with me, we're done."

"You said this was my last chance," Clara said. "I'm being honest with you now."

"I don't want to be in a relationship that requires us to keep giving each other chances," Danny said. "I love you, but, like I said, you have the right to distance yourself from someone who is hurting you. And so do I."

"So you don't want to be in this relationship?"

"I honestly don't know," Danny said. "I just know that right now, I can't do this. I want to help you be happy and safe but I can't do that if you're lying to me."

"I feel happy and safe with you," Clara said, with a slight tinge of desperation.

"If that's true, why do you put yourself in dangerous situations?" Danny said. "I want to help you but I can't if you don't want to be helped."

"I want to be with you," Clara said. "That is what I want."

"I wanted that too," Danny said. "But I wanted it if you were honest with me, but you weren't. So I need some time."

"Danny, no," Clara said. "I want to fix this, how can I fix this?"

"I don't know," Danny replied. "That's what I need to take time to figure out. We both need to figure out how to fix this, because lately it has not been working."

"Do you want me to stop traveling with the Doctor?"

Danny gave her an incredulous look. "I want our relationship to not be about the Doctor," he said, voice stern and raised. "I love you, Clara, and I want to be with you but I can't if you spend more time in outer space than with me. I can't have the life I want with you if you're only half in it. I'm ready to be all in, but you're halfway out the door. Be all in or all out. That is what I want you to do."

"You're all in, are you?" Clara asked. "Then why haven't you ever told me why you left the army?"

"Why haven't you told me why you travel with the Doctor?" Danny said. "You see wonders, yeah. But part of you hates it and yet you still go back. You say you can't explain why, fine, but on some level you know why you're doing this. We've all got stuff we hide, Clara. The difference between you and me is that my stuff is hidden because it is handled. I left the army and now my life is sorted out. I recognized that my commanding officer was corrupt and selfish and would not hesitate to hurt me to further his own goals. It wasn't about the army or the country, it was about him. Doesn't that sound familiar."

Clara stared at him indignantly.

"I saw that and left. And yeah, I never told you why specifically I left, what happened to push me over the edge. But I'm not letting that stop me from being here in this relationship. That's what being all in means. It isn't being one hundred percent honest, it's being present. And you're not here."

"I want to be here," Clara said, a tear rolling down her face. "I want to be present, but I can't…stop. I can't stop traveling with him. It's too much to let go of."

Danny sighed. "I don't want to fight about this anymore." He stood up and paced around, exasperated.

"Me neither," Clara said, wiping her tears and standing up. "You've said your bit and I've said mine. So, I'm gonna go, yeah? I'm gonna go home and figure this out and then go to work tomorrow and keep working on it and at some point I'll have this figured out. I'll sort it out, my stuff with the Doctor, us. I don't want to hurt anymore, and I don't want you to be hurt anymore. I love you."

"Thank you," Danny said.

Clara grabbed her coat and went to the door. "I'll see you at work then, yeah?"

Danny nodded. "Get home safe, okay?"

Clara was out the door. "Bye," she said, then closed the door.

"Bye," Danny said to the now empty room.

**So thus concludes chapter 1. I was thinking of just making this a huge oneshot but I'm kind of stuck and want to get at least the first part up and get some feedback before going on to the next chapter(s).**

**The next chapter will include more of Clara/12 and how Clara deals with him after this conversation with Danny.**

**It would be hella rad if y'all could let me know in a review what you'd like to happen! Or what you liked or disliked about this chapter! Please give any feedback as long as it's what you truly think, because any feedback is good feedback. Thank you so much and have a good day/night/existence!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey y'all so here's chapter two.**

**I'm trying to keep in the canon of the show except in the ep that last aired, "Flatline", Danny and Clara are together but in this story they are not. So, in this story the events of "Flatline" happened but the phone call with Danny didn't.**

**Usual disclaimer: I don't any of this yadda yadda.**

**Alright here goes, enjoy this chapter and leave a review please!**

Chapter 2

"What does that mean?" Clara asked as she walked into the TARDIS. "'Goodness had nothing to do with it.' What do you mean by that?"

"It means exactly what I said it means," the Doctor replied. "You saved the day. You were me. There isn't a lot of goodness involved in that."

"Don't say that," Clara said. "You save people. I saved people today."

"A lot of people died, too," the Doctor said.

"That happens," Clara said.

"You just dismiss it so easily?" the Doctor said, voice rising.

"Of course not!" Clara shouted. "Of course I am not dismissing it! It is terrible and it is awful but I am accepting it. This is what we do, we travel and we save people. But we can't save everyone. Accepting that makes it easier."

"You shouldn't have to accept it," the Doctor said. "Where is your humanity? How can you watch someone die?"

"That's what you do," Clara reasoned. "You watch people die. You let people die for you. These are the things you have to do in order to keep saving other people."

"Yes, that is what _I _do," the Doctor said. "It is not what _you _do."

"Oh really?" Clara asked with a bitter tone to her voice. "Do we have to talk about what happened on the moon again? Because I recall you, someone I trusted, putting me in the position to choose who lives and dies. And that is not the first time you've done that and it is not the last. At first I couldn't handle it, I couldn't choose. I didn't trust myself to. But now I trust myself to make the best damn choice I can."

"You do make good choices," the Doctor said. "From the options available to you, that are usually all bad, you tend to pick the better ones. But those are not your choices to make. You don't know what it does to you, having to choose who lives and dies."

"I know now," Clara said. "It's like I told you after we were on the space train, it's like an addiction. Making choices that get people killed hurts you in a way you don't recover from. But making choices that save lives, that is a feeling that nothing else can top."

"We don't travel so that you can get your fix of happiness," the Doctor said. "This isn't a game."

"I am well aware that this isn't a game," Clara said.

"What we do has consequences," the Doctor said.

"I know that," Clara said. "We come in and we save the day and we make things better for some people but for others we make it a lot worse. I understand that, and don't you dare tell me that I don't."

"That is what I do," the Doctor said. "I asked you if thought I was a good man and you said you didn't know. Do you think you're a good person?"

"Do you think I am?" Clara shot back. "I know what I think of me and what I've done, but what do you think? Am I good person?"

"I don't know," the Doctor replied. "You aren't the person you were when we started traveling together."

"Yeah, well neither are you," Clara said. "And admit it, you're glad I'm not who I was when we started traveling. When we started out, I was a mystery. I was impossible. Now you've solved me and you can carry on like the most clever man in the universe."

"I am the most clever man in the universe," the Doctor said.

"And I'm the girl who lives to die saving your life," Clara said. "So what does that make me?"

"I won't let you die for me," the Doctor said. "Not this you."

"It seems to me that you don't really have a choice in that," Clara said.

"Do you, right now, think I am worth dying for?" the Doctor asked. "Would you throw away everything, your life right now, all your potential, to save me?"

Clara stared at him with an expressionless face for a few moments. "I don't know," she said finally. "I don't think I'll know until I'm in a position to make that choice."

The Doctor broke eye contact and started fiddling with the TARDIS console.

"I have some work to get done on the TARDIS, make sure she's back in working order," the Doctor said. "But I can drop you off at home. You probably have a date with Dan the Soldier Man, don't you?"

She was quiet for a few moments. "You're not the only clever person in the room, you know."

The Doctor looked up from the console. "I'm sorry?"

"You won't admit it, but I know you recognize Danny from that children's home in Gloucester," Clara said. "And you recognize Orson Pink. You know they're related somehow and you know that we visited Danny when he was a kid."

The Doctor stood up straight and looked at her. "I know that, given the fact that the TARDIS was linked in to your timeline and we ended up in his, that Danny plays a big part in your timeline. Orson does, too."

"Why did you give Danny a dream about being a soldier?" Clara asked. "You hate soldiers, why give a little boy a dream that he becomes one? That soldiers protect him? That they are something to look up to and aspire to?"

"It made him comfortable while he slept," the Doctor said. "I wasn't about to give a terrified child a nightmare."

"You changed his life," Clara said. "That dream is why he became a soldier. He spent his life after that night trying to be this big brave soldier that he dreamt of. You did that."

"I assure you, it was not on purpose."

"You change peoples' lives without even knowing it," Clara said. "It isn't all life or death all the time."

The Doctor didn't say anything.

"I don't have a date tonight," Clara said. She started walking towards the stairs. "I'm going to sleep here. Good night, Doctor."

"Good night," the Doctor said quietly, too softly for Clara to hear since she was already in one of the TARDIS's many hallways.

**-DW-**

"Doctor!" Clara shouted, running down a hallway. She reached a fork in the hallway, giving her two options to go in. "Doctor! Maya!"

"Clara!" came a girl's voice from the hallway to the left.

Clara immediately sprinted down that hallway. She and the Doctor had traveled to a faraway planet that Clara didn't even remember the name of at that point. All she knew is that a lost Dalek had landed in the queen's palace and the Doctor was trying to stop the Dalek while Clara tried to find the princess who had run off.

"Maya, where are you?" Clara shouted.

"Clara, stay back!" Maya shouted back.

Clara turned another corner and almost ran right into the Dalek. Past the Dalek was Maya, holding a large contraption that was emitting a green glow. The Dalek was pointed at Maya, closing in on her.

"Exterminate!" it moaned. "Exterminate!"

"No!" Clara shouted. She took a few steps so that she was directly behind the Dalek. "Oi! Hey, Dalek! Come over here, shoot me!" She looked past the Dalek at Maya. "Maya, I'll distract it, run!

Clara continued, futilely, in trying to distract the Dalek, ignoring how ridiculous she must have sounded and looked as she jumped around and tried to make herself a more appealing target than the little girl on the other end of the hall.

"Clara, duck behind the wall and stand back!" Maya shouted.

"What?" Clara asked. "No!"

"I'm going to shoot it!" Maya yelled. "Stand back!"

Clara finally registered the fact that Maya was holding a large object.

"Right," she said, a bit flustered but still listening to Maya. "Okay!" she yelled when she was safely ducked behind the wall.

She heard a loud laser sound and a bright flash of light came from the hallway.

She ran back into the hallway and past the Dalek to Maya.

"Are you alright?" she asked.

"I'm fine," Maya said, grinning. "My gun worked."

"You built this?" Clara asked, looking down at it.

Maya nodded proudly. "I like to tinker with things. I've heard of Daleks before, though I've never seen one. I've always wanted to figure out if I could find a way to remotely power down its armor."

"Well it looks like you have," Clara said. "How long will it be powered down for?"

Maya made a face. "That's the thing. I have no idea."

"Right," Clara said. She thought for a moment. "Well, this castle has a dungeon, yeah? Every castle has a dungeon."

Maya nodded. "You want to lock it up in a dungeon?"

Clara nodded. "Why not? Dungeons are the most secure places in a castle. It won't find a way out."

"I've done a lot of research on Daleks," Maya said. "Maybe we can keep it locked up, so it can't hurt anyone, until I find a way to get it back to its home."

Clara thought about it for a moment. She knew the Doctor hated Daleks. She'd encountered Daleks and had heard a lot about the Doctor's encounters with them, but never thought of saving one. She knew the Doctor wouldn't approve.

"Let's do it. Where's the dungeon?" Clara asked, standing up and helping Maya up.

And so they went about rolling the Dalek down the halls until they reached the dungeon.

They were very near the dungeon when they heard a scream.

"Stay back!" the voice yelled.

Clara recognized it and popped out from behind the Dalek.

"Doctor!" she said. "It's okay! Its armor is disabled."

"Disabled?"

"Yes, temporarily," Clara said. "Maya figured out how to do it remotely."

The Doctor faced his angry eyebrows toward Maya.

"Why would you do a stupid thing like that?"

"We can't kill it!" Maya said. "It didn't do anything wrong! It came here and it was confused and scared, that's why it tried to kill all of us. We can lock it up in the dungeon until I figure out how to get it home."

"_You_ are going to figure out how to transport a Dalek back to its people?" the Doctor said with a scoff.

"Doctor," Clara scolded.

"Good luck with that," he said, still with cruel laughter in his voice. "No, it's a Dalek, we have to destroy it."

"Doctor!" Clara said. "This solution, Maya's solution, ensures that no one dies. How can you say no to that?"

"Daleks can't be trusted," the Doctor said. "There is no guarantee that if you lock it up it won't kill anyone."

"There's no guarantee that it will," Maya pointed out. "Our dungeons are the most secure ones in this star system. That Dalek won't get out until we let it out, and no one will enter. It came here by mistake, we shouldn't hold that against it."

"Daleks are evil creatures," the Doctor contended. "They are full of hatred!"

"That doesn't mean we react to it with hatred," Maya said.

Clara smiled at Maya then turned to the Doctor. "You heard the girl," the older woman said. "Now are you going to help us move it or what?"

"No," the Doctor said curtly. "I'll meet you at the TARDIS, Clara."

He turned and stormed off.

Clara looked after him, a look of anger quickly taking over her features.

"It's alright, Clara," Maya said. "We're almost at the dungeons, then you can go home."

Clara looked at her and smiled again. Within a few minutes they had safely reached the dungeons and secured the Dalek.

"You really think you can get it back to where it came from?" Clara asked Maya as they walked back down the hall.

Maya nodded. "I think so. I've been studying space travel in addition to Dalek history."

"You're quite clever, aren't you?"

Maya grinned. "When you talk about Daleks, people say that they are full of hatred. But I don't think that can be true. No one can feel only hatred. There has to be more there."

"Maybe, yeah," Clara said. "So what, you're on a mission to save the Daleks?"

"No," Maya said. "But I respect them. I don't want to kill one just because it's here."

Clara nodded, accepting this. "You know, the Doctor and I, we travel through time and space. We try to save people. I think you'd be good at that."

Maya took a deep breath as she thought about that. "I don't think I'd want to travel with him," she admitted.

Clara's walking slowed as she looked at Maya.

She saw a girl that was so incredibly clever. She figured out a way to stop a Dalek without anyone getting hurt. She was going to figure out a way to return the Dalek to its people without anyone getting hurt. This girl, Maya, was clever and intelligent beyond belief, but she was didn't want to be around the Doctor.

"Why do you travel with him?" Maya asked, noticing that Clara was lagging behind.

"Erm," Clara started, picking up her pace and catching up. "It's sort of…complicated."

"What, are you his conscience or something?" Maya asked.

Clara opened her mouth to speak but didn't say anything. She knew she essentially was but didn't want to admit it.

"You deserve better," Maya said. "You said I'm clever but you, you are too. Your first instinct was that I needed saving from the Dalek but when I showed you that we could help it, you went with it. Who knows how long that sort of reaction will last when you're traveling with someone whose first instinct is an unshakeable desire to kill Daleks."

Clara broke eye contact with Maya. "He isn't just that. He's got a history with them."

Maya put her hands up defensively. "I'm just saying, you deserve better than being someone's conscience."

Clara sighed. "How are you so wise? You're what, sixteen years old?"

Maya laughed. "No, I'm not an infant. I'm three hundred and four years old."

Clara made a surprised face. "Okay." She looked Maya up and down. She looked no different than Clara's students at home, aside from her purple skin, blue hair, and spikes on the backs of her hands.

"I'm almost done with what you humans would call high school, though," Maya said.

"You study humans, too?"

Maya nodded. "That's required in schools. Based on your clothes you're from, what, the early twenty-first century? Right now it's the fortieth for you lot. You've expanded into the universe a lot, you tried to take over this planet a few centuries ago. It did not go well."

"Sorry about that," Clara said.

Maya shrugged. "I don't mind. It wasn't really a big conflict. A bunch of humans came and tried to take things over, but they realized that we didn't have any of the metals they wanted so they left."

Clara made a face. "Humans are weird."

"Yeah, how have you survived so long without hand spikes?"

Clara laughed. "Yeah, clearly that was an evolutionary fault on our part."

They turned a corner and arrived at the TARDIS.

"Well, travel safely, and all that," Maya said.

"I will try to," Clara said. She reached out and hugged Maya. "It was really nice meeting you."

"You too," Maya replied. She pulled back. "Don't let all the traveling change you. Today you were the kind of person who'd save a Dalek."

Clara nodded but had an expression that didn't strongly portray any emotion. She just seemed pensive.

"Goodbye," Maya said.

"Bye," Clara said, opening the door to the TARDIS and going inside.

She walked in and saw the Doctor flipping switches and turning dials on the TARDIS console.

"I'm taking you home."

"Why?" Clara asked. "Because I saved a Dalek?"

"Because it's time for you to go home," the Doctor said. "Don't want to keep Danny boy waiting."

"One, I do other things in my life aside from go on dates with Danny," Clara said. "And two, I especially don't do that anymore because we broke up."

"What?" the Doctor asked, disposition going from angry to concerned. "Why?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Clara said.

"But you and Danny…" the Doctor stammered. "Then Orson Pink happens…"

"Yes, thank you, Doctor, I am aware of that part of my timestream," Clara said angrily.

"Is Danny aware?"

Clara shook her head. "What was I supposed to say, don't break up with me because we have a great-grandson?"

"So he broke up with you?" the Doctor asked with pity in his voice.

Clara rolled her eyes. "That is not the point!" she exclaimed. "We are not discussing me and Danny, we are discussing you. Why wouldn't you help us save the Dalek?"

"Because Daleks are beyond saving," the Doctor said. "Why were you so keen on trying to help it?"

"Maya was right, it hadn't done anything wrong. It was just scared," Clara said. "And I felt sympathetic to it. I felt like I knew it."

"Yeah there's a reason for that."

"And what's that?" Clara asked quickly.

The Doctor sighed. "The first you I remember meeting was on a crashed space ship to the Dalek Asylum. She called herself Oswin and baked soufflés. She was the last survivor from her crew and we thought she was stranded in her ship, but she wasn't."

Clara looked down. "How'd she die?" she asked in a low voice.

"The atmosphere on the Dalek Asylum had a nanocloud that turned people into Dalek puppets," the Doctor said. "Once she was left on the planet, she didn't stand a chance."

Clara didn't say anything. She didn't look at the Doctor, either. She stared at the floor of the TARDIS.

"She saved me," the Doctor said. "And Amy and Rory. Helped fix their marriage, too."

"You've had companions who are married?" Clara asked. "Where are they now?"

"They got stranded in 1920s New York City."

"Can't you visit them?" Clara asked.

"No," the Doctor said simply.

"You're right, it is time for me to go home," Clara said.

The Doctor dutifully returned to starting the TARDIS take-off sequence.

They travelled in silence until the TARDIS jolted to a stop.

Clara walked towards the door then stopped before opening it. She turned to the Doctor.

"Why couldn't you save me?" Clara asked. "Dalek me, Oswin. Why couldn't you save her?"

"She was a Dalek," the Doctor said. "They are beyond saving."

Clara looked away from him and at the door for a short minute. Then, she opened the door and left without a word.

**-DW-**

The next day Clara was at work. She was walking down the hallway with a stack of tests she had just printed out. She slipped and managed to drop them all over the hallway floor.

"Great," she muttered as she bent down to pick them all up.

A familiar figure bent down and helped her gather them up.

"Here," he said, standing up once all the papers were collected.

"Thanks," Clara said, now standing as well and accepting the papers from Danny. "How've you been?"

Danny shrugged. "It's been a busy few weeks with exams coming up, but you know that. How are you?"

"Tired," Clara said, knowing that the word was loaded.

"Right," Danny said. "Give the Doctor my regards." He started to walk away.

"Mr. Pink!" Clara called after him.

Danny turned. The few students who were in the hallway all turned to Clara when they heard her call after Danny, but after receiving some stern looks they carried on.

Clara walked up to Danny and spoke in a hushed voice. "I'm working on it. It's taking some time, but I am working on it."

"Clara, you don't need to give me updates on this," Danny said.

"You're important to me," Clara said. "I don't want you to think you aren't-."

"I've got a date tomorrow night," Danny said.

"Oh."

"It wasn't something I sought out," Danny said. "A buddy of mine is going out with this girl and she wanted him to find a date for her friend who is coming to town tomorrow. He knew that we…that we're not…he knew about us and asked me to come."

"And you said yes," Clara said.

"Yes," Danny said.

Clara nodded. "I hope you have fun," she said, trying to sound supportive.

"Clara-." Danny began.

"No, no it's fine," she said. "We broke up. You should go on dates."

"I'm not telling you this to hurt you," Danny said. "I just didn't want you to hear about it from someone else."

"It's fine, really," she said. She looked him in the eyes. "It's fine. Have a good time, yeah?"

She gathered her papers into a neater pile then walked around him and left without another word.

**That's it for this chapter, y'all. I hope y'all liked it; please leave a review letting me know how you feel!**

**Also, I am a huge fan of Clara and as such it is very important to me that she and the Doctor discuss (or at least acknowledge) the fact that she jumped into his timestream and saved his life a gazillion times. That's very important and it's like never brought up at all so in pretty much all the fic I write about Clara I bring it up (pssst that's your cue to read the rest of my fic I have two other Doctor Who stories on here and one is very Clara/11 if you're into that). I think it is very important to understanding her as a character and it is a very important aspect to her relationship with the Doctor.**

**My headcanon is that she knows that she did it and knows that she got out of his timestream somehow but doesn't know what happened to her echoes aside from the fact that they all live to save the Doctor and probably die in the process.**

**Also yeah this chapter was a lot about dismantling Clara's life, so to speak. If it made you feel feels, awesome! This was hard to write in that it left Clara in a painful place on multiple levels and I really like to explore that as a writer. The next chapter will have her explore what she's feeling and I haven't written it yet but it'll probably be pretty good so look out for it to come up. :D**

**Cool thanks y'all for reading this chapter and please check out my other fic on here! Also please leave a review telling me what you think, where you want this story to go, what you don't like, etc. Feedback from y'all makes me super duper happy!**

**Thanks again and have a wonderful day/night/life!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey y'all sorry it's been so long since I've updated. I'm trying to update more than once a week but school is crazy and everything is busy. But fear not, I'm trying to spend more time writing. What I usually do is outline chapters while I'm in class but when I'm out of class I never have time to type them up but I'm gonna be better about that.**

**Also, I'd like to declare this story officially an AU. I've been thinking about how to go about this because obviously my story is going a different direction than the canon of the show is, so I'm calling this an AU.**

**But kind of like an AU-lite, like the characters are the same but the situation is different. I'm going to pull things from the show as I please but for the most part the events in this story are different than what happens on the show. I'm planning on this story going on for a while, because I love writing Clara and Clara/Doctor and Clara/Danny.**

**But yeah, all that being said, here goes! Again disclaimer: I don't own anything yadda yadda and I hope y'all enjoy this!**

Chapter 3

"Can't I ever just visit you lot without there being a huge crisis?" the Doctor asked as he stood back to back with Madame Vastra, walking in circles and eyeing the incoming troops of aliens.

"Where the Doctor goes, trouble follows," Vastra replied.

"Well yes this is troubling," the Doctor said. "They are going to kill us."

"Don't you have a plan?" Vastra asked.

"Do I ever have a plan?" the Doctor replied.

Vastra scoffed and rolled her eyes.

"Doctor!" Clara said as she ran in to the room. She skidded to a stop as they saw the alien enemies closing in on the Doctor and Vastra.

"Where's Jenny?" Vastra asked. "And Strax?

"They're safe," Clara assured Vastra.

"Clara, stand away, they're going to kill us," the Doctor said.

"No they won't. We found it," Clara said, looking around the room. "We found the piece of their ship that they were looking for, we have it."

"What?" the Doctor asked. "Clara, that's not possible. It burnt up in the atmosphere when it fell to Earth. There was no way you could've found it."

The aliens turned to Clara. "Hand it over now or we will destroy your planet."

"It doesn't need to come to that," Clara said, taking a step forward. "Let's just have it be you and me, yeah? You're the leader of this group, aren't you? Like their general?"

"I'm their queen," the alien creature replied. She was short, shorter than Clara, adorned in bright gold armor that covered her entire body but her eyes and mouth. She had four eyes, all glaring at Clara, daring her to make a move. Her lips were a deep blue, like the sky in the middle of the night, and her mouth contained rows of teeth sharpened to a deadly point.

"Well, your majesty," Clara said, "Come with me. I'll take you to it."

"Clara," the Doctor said in a warning tone.

"No it's alright," she said to the Doctor. She turned back to the Queen. "Come with me. We can sort this out."

"If this is a trick, we will destroy your planet," the Queen replied.

"Yes, yes, you are very keen on destroying the planet," Clara said. "Come on."

She walked out of the room and the Queen followed her.

Meanwhile, all the alien soldiers that were closing in on Vastra and the Doctor froze. They were not moving at all.

"Why aren't they moving?" Vastra said.

"They operate only on the Queen's orders," the Doctor said. "When the Queen isn't around to give orders, they freeze and go to sleep, almost in hibernation, until the Queen returns and gives the next order."

"There is no way Clara found that piece," Vastra said. "It is impossible. It burnt up in the atmosphere."

"I know," the Doctor replied.

"So what'll happen to her," Vastra said.

"The Queen will kill her when she realizes that she is bluffing."

Vastra turned to look at him. "So what do we do? How can we stop her from killing Clara?"

"We can't," the Doctor said. "If we leave, the Queen will know it's a trick."

"How will she know? Her soldiers are hibernating."

"They are hibernating but they are still in contact," the Doctor said. "If we leave, if we do anything other than stand here, they will let her know. Then she will definitely kill Clara."

"So we just stay here while Clara gets killed?" Vastra asked.

"We don't have a choice."

**-DW-**

Clara, meanwhile, finally reached her destination with the Queen. They were outside in a fenced-in park. Clara didn't recognize the place, but Jenny, who was hiding nearby, did. Years before, Jenny had seen another Clara Oswald try to board the TARDIS on a snowy winter evening in this park.

"Look at this," Clara said. There was a gathering of people outside of the park fence, watching Clara and the alien interact. "Look at these people. They aren't trying to hurt you. They are scared, but they are peaceful."

"Where is the piece of my ship?"

"Yeah, in a moment," Clara said. "Just look at this. You would destroy all this for a piece of your ship?"

"Without that piece I can not return to my land, to my people," the Queen replied. "So I give no thoughts to your people."

"The Doctor, he can help you. He can take you and your soldiers back to your people."

"We don't negotiate with terrorists."

"Terrorists?" Clara asked, her voice half amused and half confused. "He's not a terrorist. He helps people."

"We are allies to the Cybermen," the Queen said. "He has killed countless amounts of them. We do not want or need his help."

"Let him help you," Clara said. "Forget about that, he doesn't want to hurt you. He wants to help you."

"Give me the piece of my ship or I will destroy your planet."

"It really doesn't need to come to that," Clara said, speaking faster as she grew more panicked and more scared. "Please, let us help you. Look at all these people, you can't kill them, can you? You came here by mistake but we can fix that mistake and get you home."

"We don't want your help," the Queen said. "Give me the piece of my ship that we need to fly home or I will destroy your planet."

"Please, you're innocent," Clara said. "You haven't done anything wrong, and neither have we. We can fix this without anyone dying!"

The Queen pulled a gun out of a holster on her hip and pointed it directly at Clara.

"Enough," she spoke calmly and slowly with her robotic tone. "Give me the piece of my ship. Or I will kill you and destroy your planet."

"Please," Clara said.

"Stop begging and give me the piece."

Clara looked at her and knew she couldn't continue her bluff. "We don't have it." She swiftly ducked and ran for cover. "Strax!" she shouted.

Strax appeared from behind a tree and quickly shot the Queen with one of his Sontaran weapons.

The Queen fell to the ground.

"Human girl," she called.

Clara got up and turned to her.

"Yes, you, come to me."

Clara walked cautiously toward the Queen. She kicked the alien-looking gun from out of her hand then bent down next to her.

"You're naïve for thinking no one had to die," the Queen said. "More often than not, it comes to this. The people who survive are the ones who pull the trigger first."

Clara shook her head in objection. "No, no you made it come to this. You refused to let this end in peace. You made me do this."

"You planned this," the Queen replied. "You set this trap. Your people are safe because of you. I am dying because of you."

Clara looked up. "Strax!" she called. She looked back to the Queen. "He's a nurse, he can help you."

"We both know that he can't," the Queen said. "Let me ask a favor of you."

"Yes, what can I do?" Clara asked.

"Stay here and watch me die," the Queen said. "I'm dying in battle, I am honored. You killed an enemy, you should be honored by watching her die."

"This wasn't a battle until you made it one."

"And yet it was a battle still," the Queen said. "And you won."

Clara inhaled sharply as she watched the Queen's four eyes shut for the final time.

**-DW-**

Suddenly in the room with the Doctor and Vastra, all the soldiers fell to the floor.

"What is happening?" Vastra asked the Doctor.

"Either the Queen has given the order for them to stand down," the Doctor said. "Or the Queen has died."

He started toward the TARDIS.

"Come on," he said. "We need to get these soldiers back to their planet. We can't leave them here."

"What about Clara?"

"What about her?"

"Is she dead?" Vastra asked.

"I doubt it," the Doctor said.

"How can you know that?" Vastra asked.

"The Queen would never negotiate with me," the Doctor said. "She sees me as an enemy. She doesn't see Clara as as much of an enemy, though. She wouldn't definitely wouldn't make a deal with me, but she may entertain that option enough with Clara for Jenny or Strax to come up and kill her."

Vastra gave him a look. "Did you get us trapped in here on purpose?"

The Doctor didn't say anything, he just walked into the TARDIS.

**-DW-**

"It isn't your fault, you know," Jenny said, meeting Clara by the Queen's body.

"I know," Clara replied, standing up.

"There was nothing you could do-."

"It's the Doctor's fault," Clara cut her off.

"What?" Jenny asked. "How?"

"The Doctor knew the Queen and her people," Clara said. "He knew she'd never let him try to work out a peace. But she might let one of us try it long enough to lure her into a trap like we did."

"Clara…"

"I don't want to be a murderer, Jenny," Clara said. "I don't want to be a soldier."

"Those aren't the same thing."

"I know," Clara said. "But I was both of them today. I followed orders, even if they weren't expressly given. I killed someone."

"Technically, that was me, boy," Strax said. "Though I disapprove of our lack of acid in the endeavor."

Clara smiled slightly at Strax.

"This is what soldiers do, boy," Strax said. "We have to do this in order to preserve to honor of our people."

"Yeah well I don't feel very honorable," Clara said.

"She was going to destroy the planet," Jenny said. "Think of all the people you saved."

"She was innocent," Clara said. "An innocent life. All the people were scared, but so was she. She was scared of the Doctor."

"You've been with the Doctor for years, you have to know that he has enemies," Jenny said.

"Yeah," Clara said. "I just never thought it'd be my job to kill them."

Jenny didn't know what to say next so she was grateful when the TARDIS showed up and landed in the park.

Vastra was out of the blue box first.

"Jenny!"

Jenny smiled and met her wife for a hug. "I'm alright, thanks to Clara."

The Doctor went up to Clara.

"You killed her?" He motioned toward the Queen.

Clara nodded.

"She said she was going to destroy the planet," the Doctor said.

"You know I didn't have a choice," Clara said, a venomous tone to her voice.

The Doctor was taken aback. "What does that mean?"

"You got trapped with Vastra on purpose, didn't you?" Clara asked. "You did that so I'd have to be the one to kill her, because she'd never let you into a situation in which you could do it. And, of course, why get your own hands dirty when you can get mine dirty instead."

"Clara-."

"I get why it had to happen this way," Clara said. "But I don't like it."

"What are you saying?"

Clara ignored that question and motioned to the Queen. "What do we do with her?"

"We can take her body back to her planet," the Doctor said. "She was the queen, she deserves a proper burial."

"And her soldiers?"

"I can take them too."

"Good," Clara said. "Do that, then come back for me."

The Doctor looked at her silently for a few moments, then complied.

"Come on," Jenny said, once the Doctor had left with the Queen's body. "Let's get you some tea."

**-DW-**

"Thank you," Clara said as Jenny put a cup of tea in front of her.

"Strax, go clean and put away all our weapons, please," Vastra said.

Strax bowed out of the room.

Vastra and Jenny sat on one side of the table, with Clara across from them. They all sat quietly for a few moments, Vastra and Jenny not wanting to speak until Clara did. Clara sipped her tea and collected her thoughts.

"Did you know Rory and Amy?" she asked.

"The Doctor's Rory and Amy?" Vastra asked.

Clara nodded.

"We met them once," Vastra said. "They're good people."

"Where did you meet them?"

Vastra and Jenny exchanged a glance.

"At Demon's Run," Vastra said.

Clara waited a moment for them to elaborate. When they didn't, she pressed them. "What happened at Demon's Run?"

"It was a battle," Vastra continued. "We met Strax there."

"What was the battle over?"

Vastra and Jenny exchanged another look.

"Tell me," she said a bit forcefully. "Please," she said, more calmly.

"As you probably know, Amy and Rory were married," Vastra said. "At some point after their wedding, Amy was kidnapped and replaced with a flesh avatar."

"A what?" Clara asked with a confused face.

"Basically it was a bunch of goo that could replicated human flesh," Jenny offered. "Complete with their personality and memories."

"This avatar was switched with the real Amy, so the Doctor and Rory travelled unknowingly with the avatar for months until they realized who she was," Vastra continued.

"So, what, the real Amy was held at Demon's Run?"

"Yes," Vastra said. "And her baby was too."

Clara inhaled deeply at this. There was an uneasy silence as Vastra and Jenny let Clara absorb this information. "What happened to them?"

"We rescued Amy," Vastra said. "The child…could not be saved."

Clara looked at them with a broken expression.

"Madame Kovarian, the woman who orchestrated Amy's abduction, she took the child and raised her to be a weapon against the Doctor," Vastra continued.

"A weapon?" Clara asked. "How?"

"She was raised to be River Song," Vastra said. "And she kills the Doctor."

"No, I've met River," Clara said. "She's married to the Doctor. And she's dead. How could she kill him?"

"The Doctor figure out a way to fake his death," Vastra said.

"Did Amy and Rory ever see their baby again?" Clara asked. "Before she grew up to be River, did they find her?"

"No."

Clara was again quiet for a few moments. "What happened to Amy and Rory after that?"

"They traveled for a bit more, we think," Vastra replied. "The Doctor doesn't talk about them much, but he traveled with them more after that and before he met you."

"He said they got stranded in New York, is that why they stopped traveling?"

Vastra nodded.

"Then he met me," Clara said. "But he met one version of me while he still traveled with them. And then he met me in Victorian London. Did you meet that version of me?"

Vastra and Jenny nodded solemnly.

"What happened to her?" Clara asked.

"She died saving the Doctor," Vastra said simply.

"I could've told you that," Clara said. "How?"

Vastra and Jenny exchanged a look.

"Ah," Clara said. "I guess it is in a manner that I'd rather not know about."

"She was very brave," Vastra said.

"Yeah, they always are, apparently."

"Clara, you're good for him," Jenny said. "He was so…dark before he found you."

"Oh and he's not dark now?"

"It's different."

Clara took another sip of tea. "I don't think I can do this anymore."

Vastra and Jenny didn't speak.

"Thanks for the tea," Clara said. She stood up. "I think I'm just going to go for a walk until he gets back."

**-DW-**

Clara wandered around the streets of Victorian London. The sun was setting and she found a little hill to sit on. She sat and watched the sun set, not really thinking or feeling anything. It was peaceful. She could see the light change as the sun shone across the landscape and the buildings. She recognized some buildings from her London, but a lot were unfamiliar. She could hear kids in nearby blocks playing and could hear the sound of horses drawing carts through the streets.

She took a deep breath then immediately wished she hadn't. Victorian London was lovely in many ways, but she definitely missed the sanitation standards of her own time.

She sighed. She knew she was at her breaking point.

**-DW-**

She made her way back to Vastra and Jenny's and saw the blue box parked just inside the door.

"Clara," the Doctor said.

"You ready to go?" she asked.

He nodded. They said their goodbyes to the Paternoster Gang then entered the TARDIS to bring Clara home.

"I don't want to do this anymore," Clara said.

"What do you mean?"

"I can't do this," Clara said. "There are certain things I don't want. I told you I don't want to be the last of my species, for one. And I don't want to be a soldier or a murderer."

"We aren't soldiers," the Doctor said, almost angrily.

"We are," Clara said matter-of-factly. "And that isn't a bad thing. When someone, like the Queen today, drags you into a battle, you become a soldier, whether you want to or not. The options were be a soldier or die and let everyone else die too."

"You made the right decision," the Doctor said.

"I know that," Clara said. "But I can't make these decisions anymore. I'm not you, Doctor. I can't make these decisions and keep going. They weigh on me."

"They weigh on me too," the Doctor said. "I don't forget any of the people who die in my name."

"That's the thing though," Clara said. "They die for you. I don't want anyone to die for me. Or because of me."

The Doctor looked at her as she wandered around the TARDIS console, looking around like it would be her last time seeing everything.

"I'm not you," she repeated. "I'm a human girl from Blackpool. I can't make these life and death decisions then go home like it didn't happen. I can't live this life here, and then go home and be a human being. And I want to be a human being. I want to be able to be at home and do my job and be in love. I can't do any of that if I'm here."

"You said I was a hobby," the Doctor said slowly.

"You're not anymore," Clara said. "At some point you became my whole life. I understand that I had to keep this life secret to a degree, but it got to the point where it was something I actively hid from people that I loved. Remember that Christmas you came to? I told everyone you were a nudist from Sweden rather than telling them the truth. And I lied to Danny about you for years. I don't want to be a liar anymore."

"There are certain things that come with the territory of travelling with me," the Doctor said.

"I know, and I'm not saying I want to change that," Clara said. "I'm saying I don't want to travel. I used to love this, us going around and saving people. I don't love it anymore. I actually sort of…dread going out with you and making these decisions. I'm seeing the side of myself that can choose who lives and dies and I don't like it."

"So you're done?" the Doctor asked.

Clara nodded. "Yeah, for real this time. I was so angry at you for manipulating me into making that decision on the moon. And I was angry that I had to make this decision today. But things had to go the way they did. Everything on the moon had to happen the way it did, I had to ask the people of Earth what they thought and you couldn't have been there because Captain Lundvik wouldn't have listened to you. I had to make this decision today because the Queen wouldn't listen to you. Of course, the obvious problem here is you but I can't change that. But I can change my participation in it. I don't want to be in the position to make your decisions anymore."

"This is what we do."

"This is what you do," Clara said. "I'm not saying it's fair or it's right but you travel around in this box and save people and make life-or-death decisions. And sometimes when you can't, we do. Your companions. We sacrifice so much for you because it is worth it. I don't regret anything with you. But if I stay any longer, I'll regret that."

"You don't have to go," the Doctor said. "We can just travel for fun. We don't have to do any saving. I could finally take you to Crocodilopolis!"

Clara laughed slightly. "Doctor, I won't ask you to do that. You love saving people, as you should. You do a lot of good in the universe. Don't forget that."

"Can we do one more trip?" the Doctor asked.

"No," Clara said firmly. "Last time you said we'd just go on holiday you took me to stop a mummy. So, no more 'last hurrahs'. I'm done, I mean it."

"Okay."

"But, why don't you come round for dinner?" Clara asked. "I love you, you're my friend. You mean a lot to me. Come round for tea some time."

"Alright."

"Promise me," Clara said. "I don't want this to be goodbye. I think we've been through too much for us to ever say goodbye for good. Besides, I think you'll always be seeing some echo of me in some capacity."

"I promise," the Doctor said with a smile. "I'll come round for tea sometime."

Clara smiled.

The Doctor opened his arms for a hug.

Clara made a surprised face as she hugged him back. "Oh? You're actually letting me hug you?"

"Thank you, Clara Oswald," the Doctor said. "You saved me, in more ways than I can ever explain. Thank you."

"You saved me a fair bit too, you know," Clara said.

"You know it's not the same."

"I know," Clara said softly. She pulled back from the hug. "But, like I said, I don't regret any of this. I'd do it all over again."

The Doctor smiled at her. "So when I come for tea, will Mister Danny Pink ever be there?"

Clara's smile fell. "I don't know," she said, leaning against the console as the Doctor initiated the takeoff sequence. "I need to fix things with him."

"He means that much to you?"

Clara nodded. "I love him. This whole time, these past few weeks without being with him, I've missed him the entire time. I knew before we broke up that I loved him, but now I really know. I don't want to be without him."

"So don't be," the Doctor said.

"I have to earn his forgiveness," Clara said. "I really hurt him with all the lying. I don't want to rush him."

"It's been weeks," the Doctor said. "Maybe now he just needs a little push."

With that, the TARDIS took off. Clara jolted with the force of the takeoff but soon steadied herself against the console. She looked at the TARDIS mechanisms work as the flight went on, then stopped.

They were silent for a few moments in the newly landed TARDIS.

"Well," Clara said. "I guess I'll see you when I see you."

The Doctor smiled. "So long, Clara."

Clara turned and left the TARDIS. She stepped out of the blue box and walked a few steps before realizing that she was in a familiar hallway, but not the one that led her to her flat.

"Wait," she said, looking up and turning back to the blue box. "Doctor!" she called, racing back to the box. She was too late, though, as the box took off without her.

A door down the hall opened.

"Clara?" a voice called.

Clara turned. "Hi, Danny."

"Are you alright?" Danny asked.

Clara nodded. "Yep."

"Did he leave you?"

"No," Clara said firmly. "I left him."

Danny made a surprised face. "Are you alright?" he offered.

Clara smiled and walked up to him. She stood outside his doorway as he stood just inside his flat.

"Danny, I love you," Clara said. "I've loved you this whole time, these past couple years that I've been with you. I am so, so sorry that I hurt you and I lied to you. But I'm ready now. I'm ready to be all in. I know that I hurt you and you're angry with me and I need to earn your forgiveness, but I'm ready to earn it. I'll wait as long as I need to until I've earned your trust."

She leaned up and kissed his cheek.

"I know I told you I saw wonders, but you're right, there are wonders here," Clara said. "The work we do, when a student understands something we teach them, that's a wonder. A person can be a wonder. One person is more amazing, harder to understand but more amazing still, than a universe."

"Really?" Danny asked with a grin. "What person is that then?"

Clara smiled. "I love you and I always will, Danny Pink. I know you've been going on dates and I'm genuinely happy for you because I want you to do what makes you happy. I want you to be happy. If you think you'll be happy with me, you know where to find me. If you don't…I hope you find whatever makes you happy."

She took a step back and Danny looked at her.

"Have a good night, Danny."

She grinned politely then left.

She walked down the hall and didn't look back. She went home and changed into comfortable pajamas and got the best night sleep she'd had in weeks.

**So that was this chapter. I used some of the dialogue from the last episode "In the Forest of the Night" but I had Clara say it instead of Danny. I really liked that dialogue but for this story I thought it was more important that Clara come to that conclusion on her own rather than have Danny say it to her.**

**So, yeah. I hope to have the next chapter up soon. Please review and let me know what you think!**

**Also have a good day/night/existence!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Next chapter y'all!**

**Usual disclaimer: I don't own any of this**

Chapter 4

Clara woke up the next morning feeling more well-rested than she had in a long while. She had slept for some ungodly amount of time, almost fourteen hours, so by the time she woke up it was nearly noon.

She got out of bed and stretched out, and, not for the first time, she felt how sore her muscles were. She wasn't even thirty years old yet but travelling had taken its toll on her.

She opened up the curtains and saw that it was sunny. She couldn't remember the last time there was such a beautiful day but she took that as a sign that leaving the Doctor was the right decision. She couldn't remember beautiful weather on earth because she never had time to.

It was her first day back being just Clara Oswald, no one's companion and no one's girlfriend, and she was enjoying it. She walked into her kitchen and started making a pot of tea. She had a lot of marking to do and needed a lot of tea to catch up on all of it.

Thinking of things to catch up on, she checked her calendar. It was her grandmother's birthday.

Grinning, an idea came to Clara. She practically skipped back to her bedroom and got changed. She ran back into the kitchen as the kettle went off. She grabbed a travel mug from the cabinet and made herself tea in that vessel.

She went to where she kept her school stuff and packed it all up. She grabbed her work bag and her coat and her mug of tea and hastily went out the door, smiling.

**-DW-**

Clara found herself on a train making the familiar trip north. She was already in a good mood but she could feel herself getting happier as she got closer and closer to Blackpool. She had about three hours to get all her marking done, which would have been very easily managed, but she kept getting distracted by the view out the window of the train.

Clara had spent so much time seeing incredible views on other planets or even on Earth in other time periods, but she hadn't lately appreciated the view of her own time and place. It reminded her of when she was young and she'd come down to London with her mum.

She sat back in her seat and took in the view, which was blurry with the speed with which the train was running. It had been a while since Clara had been on a train, as well. At least, it had been a while since she had been on a regular, non-space train on Earth. It was nice.

**-DW-**

Clara arrived at the very familiar house and rang the doorbell. She waited impatiently for a few moments until the door opened.

"Clara!" her dad said, surprised. "Hi!"

"Dad!" Clara grinned, pulling him in for a hug. "How are you?"

"Good," he replied, clearly a bit shocked. "What are you doing here?"

"Can't I come up for a surprise visit?" Clara asked. "I did it all the time when I first moved to London."

"Yeah, but you haven't done it in almost two years," Dave Oswald replied.

Clara's face visibly fell. She hadn't realized how long it had been and how much she had neglected her family.

She quickly recovered, though. "Yeah, I'm sorry, it's been hard for me to get up here."

"It isn't really a great time, I'm just about to run out for a second to do some errands."

"I can wait here," Clara said. "Gran's here, yeah?"

Dave nodded. "Yeah," he said. "I usually don't like to leave her here alone but I'm only running out for a second."

"I'll stay with her," Clara said. "I haven't seen her in a while, it'll be nice."

"Clara's it's been a long while," her dad said.

"I know," Clara said, seeing that her dad was becoming angry. "I'm sorry. I really am."

"A lot has changed," Dave said. He saw the confusion and hurt on Clara's face and sighed. "Mum's sick."

"What?" Clara asked.

"It's been developing for a while but it recently took a turn for the worse," Dave said. "She's getting older, these things happen."

"Why didn't you tell me before?" Clara asked, feeling tears prick her eyes.

"Clara, you're never around," her dad said. "You haven't been up here in years, you always have some excuse for when we offer to come to you. You rarely answer your phone when we ring you."

"I'm sorry," Clara said, meaning it.

"You're here now," her dad said. "That's good."

"Can I still see her?"

"Of course," Dave said. "Just…be careful, yeah?

Clara nodded and stepped out of the way so her father could leave the house.

Dave stopped and hugged Clara before he went.

"It's good to see you," he said. "It really is."

Clara mustered up a sincere smile. "You too."

She watched him walk to his car, then walked into the house.

**-DW-**

Clara put her bag and coat away then walked nervously into the lounge.

"Hello? Who's there?"

"Hi, Gran," Clara said. "It's me, don't worry. It's me."

Gran smiled. "Oh, come sit with me, dear."

Clara grinned and sat next to her. In the light of the lounge she finally really saw her grandmother. She was smaller, and more frail looking. She was wrapped in a knit blanket.

Clara's smile faltered a bit as she saw this, but she quickly recovered.

"How are you?" Clara asked.

"I'm fine, don't worry about me," Gran said. "Do you like this blanket? I knitted it myself."

"You knit?" Clara asked.

"I'm a grandmother, of course I knit," Gran said pointedly.

Clara laughed a bit. "Okay."

"So how are you?" Gran asked.

"I'm good," Clara said. "I'm happy to be up here. It's great to see all of you."

"You see us all the time," Gran said. "You live here, don't you, Ellie?"

Clara's face immediately fell.

"Gran," she said after a moment. "It's me, Clara."

"Clara," Gran said, confused.

"Ellie and Dave's daughter, Clara," Clara clarified. "Ellie's not here."

"Right," Gran said quickly.

"I'm Clara," Clara said. "I live in London, I'm a schoolteacher."

"Yes, of course," Gran continued. "And you're dating that nice boy."

"Not anymore," Clara said. "We broke up."

"You broke up with the Doctor?" Gran asked. "Did he have to go back to Sweden?"

Clara laughed. "No, I was dating Danny, remember? He was a teacher at my school, but before that he was a soldier."

"Oh, yes! Danny!"

"Although there is something I need to tell you about the Doctor," Clara said.

"What is it?"

"The Doctor wasn't my boyfriend," Clara said. "He was a friend of mine who travelled through the time and space. We used to travel together and that's why I haven't been around much."

"A time traveler?" Gran asked. She laughed.

"I know, it's a lot," Clara said, laughing as well. "I just wanted you to know. I love you, Gran, and I'm sorry that I've been lying these past few years. And I'm sorry I haven't been around."

"Clara, dear," Gran began. "You could be gone for ten years and we'd still be happy when you came home."

"I'll be around more often, I promise," Clara said. "I'm not travelling with the Doctor anymore. I'm here, I'm on Earth now, and I don't want to miss any of this."

Gran made a face. "So your father has told you."

"Told me what?"

"I know I'm getting old, Clara," Gran said. "And I'm not as sharp as I used to be."

"Gran, no," Clara started.

"It's fine, dear," Gran said. "But you're young. You have your whole life ahead of you."

"Gran, I love being up here and spending time with you."

"I love it too," Gran said. "But your life is in London."

"Part of it is," Clara said. "But part of it is here. The last few years I haven't been around. I want to fix that. I want to be here, I want to be around."

Gran was quiet for a moment. "What are you going to do about this boy, Danny?"

Clara chuckled nervously. "What do you mean?"

"You love him, don't you?"

Clara nodded wordlessly.

"So how are you going to fix things with him?"

Clara shrugged. "I don't know. It's been weeks since we broke up. He's been seeing other people. I want to be with him, but I want him to be happy more."

"It'll work out," Gran said. "If you love someone, it always works out."

"Yeah," Clara said softly, not quite believing it but not wanting to argue the point.

"So the Doctor," Gran continued. "Wherever he's from, are people always naked there too?"

Clara looked up in shock for a moment, then laughed. She finally felt home.

**-DW-**

Clara ended up staying the night. It was weird to sleep in her childhood bed but otherwise it was nice to be home. She had really hurt her family by basically being unavailable for the past couple years, but she had started the process of fixing it.

The next morning, after breakfast, Clara's father drove her to the train station.

"It was nice having you this weekend," Dave said. "Maybe next time you could call ahead, though."

"Yeah, sorry," Clara replied. "It was sort of a last minute thing. Things have been hectic for me lately and I…I needed this, Dad."

"I know," Dave said. "And when you need us, we'll be here. Me, your gran, even your stepmum."

Clara smiled. "Thank you."

"I'm sorry about your boyfriend," Dave said. "He's missing out on a great girl."

Clara exhaled deeply. "I don't know about that, but thanks."

They were quiet for a moment, then Dave spoke again.

"So what's this your Gran tells me about the Doctor?" he asked. "He's not just your ex, he's a time traveler?"

Clara laughed. "Yeah," she began. "It's a long story. We met when I was still with the Maitlands, and I travelled with him once a week. He was like a hobby, until he wasn't. Travelling became…something I couldn't stop doing. It was incredible. But then it became more harm to me than good. It broke up me and Danny. It hurt my relationship with my family. So I don't travel anymore."

Dave looked like he was in shock.

"I know," Clara said. "And I'm sorry I never told you this before. To be honest, I didn't think I ever would but I don't want to be a liar anymore. Me lying hurts everyone around me. I don't want that."

"No matter what, you'll always have us," Dave said.

Clara smiled. "I know. Thank you. I'm going to come around more, too, and answer my phone when you ring me and I'll ring you when I have the chance. I'll come up for Christmas."

Dave smiled. "That'd be nice."

Clara grinned in return.

"Where'd you travel?" Dave asked. "With the Doctor, where did you go? What did you do?"

"We went all over time and space," Clara said. "We helped people."

"Were you safe?"

"Not always," Clara said, earning a wince from her father. "But I'm safe now. Not everyone who travels with him can say the same."

"Then why'd you do it?"

"I've always wanted to travel and see the world," Clara said. "You know that. With the Doctor, I got to see loads of worlds. And I got to help people. It's quite hard to say no to that."

Dave looked away from the road and at Clara. "You're so much like your mum sometimes."

Clara smiled softly. "Thank you."

They pulled in to the drop-off lane at the train station.

"Well, thanks for the ride, Dad," Clara said, getting out of the car.

"Anytime," Dave replied.

Clara stopped by the driver's side door and leaned down to talk to her dad through the window.

"I love you, and I'm really, genuinely sorry I haven't been here."

"You're back now, that's what matters," Dave said. He got out of the car and gave his daughter a proper hug. "I love you, Clara."

Clara smiled into her father's shoulder.

She pulled back after a few more moments.

"I'll call you when I get home, okay?"

Dave nodded and watched Clara walk into the train station before getting back in his car and driving off.

**-DW-**

A few hours later, Clara was walking into her flat with her phone to her ear.

"Yes, Dad, I made it home alright," she said. She put her keys on the counter and put her bag and coat away.

"Good," Dave Oswald said.

"Yeah," Clara said. "So I'll ring you tomorrow, okay?"

"Wait," Dave said.

"What's wrong?" Clara asked.

"The Doctor," Dave said. "He stops aliens, right?"

"Yeah, usually," Clara said.

"Was he there when your mum died?"

Clara, who was in the process of taking off her shoes, stopped in her tracks.

"What?" she said.

"Did you ever ask him?"

"No," Clara said. "Do you want me to?"

"Well, if you're done with him now, there's no matter whether if I want you to or not."

"Dad."

"Clara he seems dangerous," Dave said. "I'm proud of you for helping people when you traveled with him but I'm also proud of you for stopping going around with him."

"Dad I don't want to talk about this."

"Okay," Dave said. "Sorry for bringing it up."

"Look, Dad, I've got to go, but I'll ring tomorrow."

"Alright, bye," Dave said. "Love you."

"Love you too," Clara said, then hung up the phone. She took off her other shoe and calmly put them away.

**-DW-**

Later that night, Clara was sat on her couch with the telly on as background noise while she read a book. She got up when she heard a knock on her door.

"Danny," she said when she opened the door. "Hi."

"Hi," he said. "I came by last night but no one answered, I guess you were out."

"Yeah, I went up to Blackpool for the night," Clara said. "It was my Gran's birthday and she's ill, so I wanted to see her."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Danny said.

"Thanks," Clara said. "So, why'd you stop by?"

Danny took a deep breath. "When I was in the army, I killed a young boy," he said. He took a moment to gauge Clara's reaction before continuing. "We had orders to go into this village based on intel that a local terrorist leader was hiding there. I was tasked with doing a sweep of this one house that he might've been in. So, I did it. Standard protocol, lead with a grenade then go in shooting. I had never done a sweep like that alone before, but my commanding officer insisted I do it. He ordered me to. He told us that it was a definite thing, not a possibility, that the person we were looking for was in this village, possibly in my building. They told us there were no families in this village, no one but this one terrorist leader and his small group of followers. So, I threw my grenade then went in shooting. There were no terrorists. Just a scared little boy."

Danny took a moment to collect himself, as he started to tear up.

"Danny…" Clara said.

Danny ignored her and continued on, knowing he needed to get it all out then or he never would. "I shot him, I shot him more times than he ever could have recovered from. I went in shooting and when the smoke cleared he was on the ground, bleeding. He was coughing, too, choking on his own blood. But he never broke eye contact with me. I stood in the doorway and watched him bleed, and the last thing he ever saw was me standing there, holding my gun. I was standing there, in my helmet and bulletproof armor, and he was lying on the floor, defenseless, wearing a bloody football jersey. My commanding officer was calling for me to confirm the building as secure. I eventually did and I had to move on. We didn't find a single terrorist suspect in that village. It was all families, it was all parents and children and brothers and sisters who were under attack and scared."

"Danny, I'm so sorry," Clara said.

"I finished that tour and as soon as I came home I handed in my discharge papers. I went back to school. I decided that my life from then on would be spent helping children, not killing them."

"You were doing your job," Clara said. "You didn't know that boy was in there."

"Yeah, I didn't know," Danny said. "But I also didn't check. I went in shooting, like I was ordered to do. And a little boy died because of me."

Clara didn't know what else to say, so she just opened her arms and let him cry on her shoulder.

He cried softly at first, since he was trying to contain his tears as he explained himself, but once he was back in Clara's arms he just let go. His body shook as he let himself feel everything he tried to suppress since he left the army.

Clara held his large body as best she could, and stroked his back as he held her tight.

"It's alright, you're alright," she whispered in his ear. "You're safe with me, I promise. You're safe here."

After a while Danny had calmed down enough to reply.

"I need you, Clara," he said. "I need you."

Clara pulled back and looked him in the eye.

"I need you too," she said.

They looked into each other's eyes for a moment, then quickly rushed in and met for a kiss.

"I love you so much," Danny said when he could catch a breath.

"I love you too," Clara said. She grabbed him by the collar and pulled him into her flat. Danny managed to shut the door behind him and then he leaned his back against the wall, kissing Clara passionately.

"I want to get back together," Danny breathed.

Clara pulled back and laughed a bit. "Yeah, I caught that."

Danny smiled and went back in.

"Wait," Clara said. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for everything that happened to you. I'm going to support you with that no matter what. I'm here, for good."

"Thank you," Danny said.

"And I'm sorry for everything I did," Clara said. "All the lying, all the running off, all the hiding. I'm done with it, and I am so sorry for how badly I hurt you. But I can't apologize for it anymore."

"Okay," Danny said.

"I mean it," Clara said. "I know I really hurt you and I'll happily spend forever making it up to you, but I'm done apologizing. Apologizing doesn't do either of us any good."

"Forever?" Danny asked with a smirk.

"Yeah," Clara said with a smile. "If that's alright with you."

Danny nodded enthusiastically. "Absolutely."

Clara grinned and went back in for another kiss, which was a short one because she pulled back again.

"There is one more thing I need to tell you," Clara said.

"It can wait," Danny said.

"Are you sure?" Clara asked.

Danny nodded. "Yes, it can wait. Please, I've missed you so much Clara. I just want to be with you."

"Okay," Clara replied, letting herself get pulled back in to Danny Pink.

**That's it for this chapter, y'all. Hope y'all liked it. There was no Doctor in this chapter, but it didn't feel appropriate to have him in because Clara just left him for good. He will be around at some point soon, though, don't you fret.**

**And sorry if it seemed like things were getting more…**_**mature**_** at the end. I don't write smut but at the same time Clara and Danny are adults in a relationship, and adults in relationships engage in certain activities. So while I won't expressly write anything, makeouts will happen and things will be alluded to.**

**Yeah so that's it please leave a review and let me know what you think! :)**


End file.
